Earlier this week I had to make a very important decision. I had been on an extended maternity leave with my return to work being kind of open ended. It worked out for all of us because I wasn't sure what this new twin-mommy thing would entail, and my office was pretty quiet so they didn't necessarily need me back on after 12 weeks. And that was all going well for a while until one of my co-workers put in her notice to move back home to Texas (I'll miss her so!) and suddenly the office found themselves short-handed. So they called me and a decision that I had been putting off suddenly needed to be made. In 24 hours.
I thought about what I wanted to do all afternoon. Do I return to work? Do I hang up my interior design hat for a while and focus on being a mom? Wade and I discussed the pros and cons of each at length. We crunched the numbers. Will I feel that something's missing if I'm no longer going to work and participating in a "grown-up" world? What will it feel like to say that my profession is 'stay at home mom' when people ask? How hard will it be to get back into the field if I left now but someday wanted to return? How will I handle leaving my babies each day and potentially missing out on their milestones? Can I cope with only spending only an hour or two of waking hours with them each day? In Wade's kind-hearted, supportive way, he made it clear that he'd stand by any decision I made. And it really was a choice that only I could make.
In the end, I decided that right now in my life being a mom to my two darling babies is the most important thing. I know there are going to be days that I'll miss my job so much and I may even sometimes regret the choice to not go back. I know also, though, that I'm going to cherish these early years with Henry & Amelia more than anything. I don't think I would ever look back and regret that.
Both of these images spoke to me. In the first, I get the sense that this woman needed some quiet time to do some thinking. And the second is a reminder that no matter what path I choose, everything will be OK. (From here and here.)